Cleveland-Pittsburgh: Third Quarter Action

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Apparently, Bill Cowher has less confidence in Super John Kuhn as he has come out throwing in the second half. (Of course, that may have a lot to do with being down 38-3.) Ben has stitched together 5 straight passes to quietly move the ball downfield. I'm guessing the Cleveland secondary is a bit distracted by their post-game plans.

Update #1: Super John Kuhn shows a little cape over one shoulder. On his first carry, he steams to a 57-yard touchdown run that had very little to do with beauty and everything to do with functionality. Cleveland's run defense consisted of light strips and a clearance to land. Bryant gets Kuhn's name correct, probably because he can relate to a stiff white guy succeeding. 38-10 Browns. Let the healing begin.

Update #2: A few mechanical beeps can be heard from Metaphor Hospital's ICU as Pittsburgh succeeds at an onside kick. Fans are pausing briefly at the turnstiles and glancing back at the concession stand televisions to consider their next move.

Update #3: Their next move is to step the concession stand for a cup of courage, down it, buy another, and then slip back into their seats. Super John Kuhn pulls the whole cape out and takes his *next* carry 54 yards to La casa gol. (Two years of high school Spanish. Can you believe it?) I believe Gumbel showed a pulse and Collinsworth has predicted a victory for the Steelers. I suspect both are kidding, but youneverknow. 38-17 Browns.

Update #4: If the smell of sulphur is overpowering, Bill, stay away from the well. The Browns were quite ready for the onside kick this time. Bill Frist has stopped his vigil on Gumbel and Collinsworth is trying to explain the playoff possibilities for the Browns. I'm only half-listening, but I believe it involves getting Ontario to annex Ohio and absorbing the Browns into the CFL.

Needless to say, I'm open to this suggestion.

Update #5: Apparently, Derek Anderson has been replaced by Eric Snow, the only guard slower than him in the NBA. That must explain how he was caught from behind by Casey Hampton on a scramble. The ball is then pulled into Casey's gravitational pull. The game is delayed a few minutes as the Jaws of Life are called in. Fumble; recovered by the Steelers.

Update #6: Super John Kuhn carries the ball for a 6 yard gain but does not score a touchdown. A call goes out for a young priest and an old priest.

Update #7: Ben's head spins around three times and he finds Hines Ward on a hook and go for a 47 yard touchdown. Cleveland's defensive coordinator is called down from the booth and sent into the locker room to make sure his players made it out on the field after halftime. 38-24 Browns.

Update #8: The Cleveland defense is found watching Snow Day. Oh, those kids with their hijinks...