Bears-Rams: Second Quarter Action

After a quarter, it appears nothing has changed for the Bears. They're crushing the running game and the trained viewer can taste the first Rams turnover. Grossman is wild and uncertain, questioning every move he makes.

The Rams put together an impressive drive in both results and method. It was unrelenting without being overwhelming; it was the waterboarding of offensive football.

Naturally, the Rams muff the extra point to avoid appearing fully competent. It's 6-0 Rams.

Before I can even notify you of the yeoman's work by the Rams, Devin Hester throws the Bears on his broad, supple shoulders and carries the team out of the fire. I've always had the sense that special teams touchdowns were more chance than skill, but he's rolling hard sevens quite a bit this season, bless his soul. 7-6 Bears.

Update #1: I'd like a mulligan on my opening paragraph, please. The Rams are persistently scraping a few yards here and there, making the Bears defense look bad in aggregate if not in highlight. Stephen Jackson is far too big to be that fast, but there he goes yet again. 14-6 Rams.

The Bears are Mike Tyson, hopeless without the quick knockout; the Rams are now Julio César Chávez, fighting well above their weight.

Update #2:
Tony: "So you're a Bears fan. How's that goin' for you?"
Jim: "My life is a lie."
Joe: "heh heh. You're a funny guy."
Mike: "So what's happening this year on the wildly popular 'According to Jim'?"
Jim: "I want to die, but I'm too chickenshit to swallow a handgun."
Tony: "Would you leave Rex Grossman in? huh? Take a stand, Belushi."
Jim: "Please push me out of the booth."
Joe: "heh heh. Funny guy."
Tony: "Super Bowl? What do you think?"
Jim: "Oh God, it hurts so much."

Update #3: Theesman makes a cogent analysis of the touchdown pass from Grossman to Berrian, pointing out that the Grossman of previous weeks would have held the ball a moment or two longer and muffed the play. I believe Theesman is correct, though I'd be wary to declare the patient cured. Thank you for doing your job, though, Joe. Keep up the good work. 14-13 Bears.

Update #4: Theesman then makes a clean call on the Bulger sack, making it clear it's not a "coverage sack" but a quarterback that needs to let slip the dogs of war a wee bit earlier. He manages to do all this in the few seconds before the next play.

Dear Tripod Flashlight Aliens,

You can keep the old Theesman.

Thanks,
Tuffy

Update #5: Hey, look! Grossman turns it over!

No one will be seated during the thrilling instant replay review. Jab my eyes out with a Buick.

Update #6: The last update never happened. Until it happens again.

Update #7: The teams lurch back and forth in a pitiable imitation of a two-minute offense, dragging out the game to a painful crawl. The score remains 14-13 Bears and I will see you all on the other side of a peanut butter and banana sammich.