Denver vs Seattle 2nd Half

10:03- Still confused. Was Elam supposed to throw? If Plummer is the holder, then....nevermind.
10:04- "Cutler passed a big big test right there." The third down throw, that is. Cutler has looked alright, I am not expecting an easy button here. In fact, as we speak, he throws it away when the play action fools jack squat.

10:06- Beautiful third down throw on third down. Sorry, was that redundant? I should be an announcer. Cutler follows that with a bad pass, followed by offensive holding on Mike Bell. This is the least happy I've ever been with a six point lead. AS I TYPE THAT MIKE BELL FUMBLES. Fumbalaya!!!!!!!!

10:13- Seattle goes nowhere and Plackemeier punts. I clicked spellchecker and it exploded.

10:16- To take on the thin air in Mile High, Madden suggests you get to the stadium as late as possible and leave immediately after the game. What is this, Fallujah? Suck it up. Cecil runs for a score. Not a TD, but 20 yards. Felt like being learned.

10:18- I agree Madden, no bootlegs. Cutler stumbles, falls down and is forced to eat grass.

10:20- I hope no one is proud of this: I kind of might....go see Rocky. I know, I know, don't worry. If I go, I'll be completely incognito.

10:22- Shaun Alexander goes for 18. He has a record of 60 straight games with at least a 10 yard run. Then they give it to Morris. He has a record of 60 straight games with at least a carry. Third down, no Shaun, but still a first to "D-Jack as he calls him himself." That's right, Al.

10:24- THROWING TO CHAMP BAILEY. No sir, sixth pick of the season. Maybe Matt switched places with Tim!?! He's been, for lack of a better word, ungood.

10:28- Three and out. No wonder this defense tires in the second half. The special teams are always awful from a field position standpoint, and the offense usually sustains one big drive a game. It has to change or the prophesy of JC won't be fulfilled.

10:30- Foreigner's "Cold as Ice" as NBC fades to commercial. Real cute.

10:31- Why do cartoons have such trouble with online trading? Talk to Chuck!!!

10:34- Seattle punt, and what a punt. Downed at the one. Safety Dance? We can drop back if you want to, we can leave the blitz behind...that's horrible

Madden mumbo jumbos about passing, running, downs and possibly a turducken. The take home message is run on second down. End of the third, 13-7 Denver

10:38- Inside Man was tremendous by the way. Possibly needed less Jodie Foster, but what doesn't? What? Oh right, football. JC gets sacked and Denver will punt from their one. Take the safety.....NOT. Has the shelf life on Borat jokes expired yet? I vote no.

10:42- Hasselbeck sacked by Elvis Dumervil, the only consistent pass rusher on the line, and he's a rookie to boot. Josh Brown and friends fake the field goal with a pooch punt. Darent Williams muffs it. Can someone drive me to the hospital after this one....Denver recovers.

10:46- Al Wilson is on the ground, seriously hurt after running into the fat Gerard Warren. Here comes the cart, man that sucks. Blogging as your team struggles chews the stink.

10:48- No, I don't like 6'5" 230 pound quarterback with a laser, rocket arm.

10:50- I really hope Al Wilson is alright. You hear that "heart and soul" line a lot, but he truly is the heart and soul of that defense. "You hate to see that green thing come out there." Yes, John, I hate that thing on wheels. Please give me a thumbs up, Al. Please.

10:53- How tough is this game now for all of these fans and this team. Now Tatum is hurt. You know what, just drop smallpox on the Denver sideline.

10:55- Third and 5, run. No one likes it. But I think this team is out of sorts right now, and that call may be for the best.

10:57- Jackson with a big gainer, now Seattle is at the one. Pepto with Chivas Regal? Worth a try. TD Shaun Alexander. *Gulp gulp gulp*

11:02- Sprained neck for Al Wilson, best wishes to him as his team truly misses him. Brian Clark fumbles and Josh Brown recovers.

11:05- Michaels recounts everything that has gone wrong for Denver, and I mean everything. I wonder how the corner of my desk would look lodged into my brain. DEFENSIVE HOLDING AUTOMATIC FIRST DOWN, GOOD LORD!!!! Yes, Al, where is the defensive holding? I never saw it.

11:07- Big third down here...................great wrap up by Ekuban as MoMo tries to hit the corner and can't. Josh Brown hits a kick, 17-13 with 4:08. Sets up great for Cutler to make a rookie mistake and for me to take a razor to my gums.

11:11- "The Drive" 2006 is here. First play: tipped and intercepted! I don't know what to say. I forgot how to breathe properly, let alone type coherently. Feetballs not rain trampoline @&*%&^@*#^&@&

11:13- I hear "good news for Al Wilson" before I totally black out. That's good news.

11:15- Deion Branch end around, tackled short. YES MADDEN, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH MATT HASSELBECK, HE'S BALD. Fourth and short and I honestly expect Holmgren to go for it, so he kicks it. 20-13, Seahawks

11:17- *Cough* "The Drive" 2006 is here. Broncos don't get a good return, big surprise. Al Michaels starts talking about the referee's pants. Great timing, ass hat. Now Cecil Sapp is hurt. Where's my nailgun? Okay, now where's my ulna?

11:20- I CANNOT BELIEVE MY PANTS. Sorry, all caps, BUT WHOA MOMMA, BRANDON MARSHALL ON A SIMPLE DUMPOFF, THE ROOKIE BREAKS A SERIES OF TACKLES AND THEN RUNS FOR AN INSANITY ENSUING 71-YARD TOUCHDOWN. JC TO BM. That's inappropriate. What a flipping turnaround!

11:23- HOLY poop, two minute warning. Someone get these nails out.

11:24- No one but Rex Grossman and Muhsin Muhammad will cast a Pro Bowl vote for Rex Grossman and Muhsin Muhammad.

11:25- "Rebuilding New Orleans...one win at a time." Yep, those house foundations are built on nothing but wins.

11:26- Hasselbeck completes a third down. Nothing is wrong with him and everything is right with the world. Meanwhile, Elam is getting a massage, which reminds Al Michaels of a David Akers story that I remember. I finally understand you, Michaels.

11:29- Hasselbeck continues to dent the tired Broncos defense. After all, the Denver offense just had a 21 second scoring drive, and before that was a one play turnover drive. The D can't rest.

11:33- Josh Brown makes a 50 yarder. Four seconds left.

11:36- A couple of batty laterals. Migraines. Final Score: Seattle Seahawks 23, Denver Broncos 20.

"Josh Brown does it again." Does what, misses two field goals? This all makes me want to puke. It's the mistakes all over again. Denver (and I) felt like taking Plummer out would solve many of their other problems, but alas, it did not. They finished with five turnovers, and the defense was rendered weak by poor field position and TOP all night. With all of that, they still allowed just 270 yards. Josh Brown wins the Rock Star. I cast the first stone.

Just make out already! Denver is now 7-5, and the playoffs look bleak. Next week they go to San Diego, a loss. I predicted a 10-6 finish to the season, but that was assuming they'd win this game. With San Diego and Cincy left, 9-7 is on the horizon. Seattle, at 8-4 can lose four straight and likely win their division anyway. How's your NFC!?! I would give my left ulna to move Denver to the NFC West.

Okay, I'm done. My grapes are mighty sour; just a horrid, apcalyptic night for football. Like Mike Shanahan, I will cry myself to sleep tonight. Sigh

Denver vs. Seattle 1st Half

I guess I will do this by time.

8:17- John Madden doesn't know what to expect from Jay Cutler. That makes all of us. Now Jay gets to talk! I have the following things in common with him: 1. I need a haircut 2. I have a double chin. How many QBs have a double chin? That discussion begins and ends with Stan Humphries.

8:19- Go away, Bob Seger, you are trying to ruin rock. You may be succeeding.

8:21- Al Michaels uses the word "garb." Okay. Meanwhile, Seahawks are 4-20 in Denver since 1977.........garb? Is this the twenties? Seattle goes three and out and a bad punt follows. Mmmm, chicken cutler.

8:24- Listen to the cheers! Tatum Bell says quiet down folks by making bird gestures. And there is a five yard run. Oh, and the O-line doesn't talk to the media. I guess they shouldn't, unless they wanted to field questions like: "How fulfilling was it to take that nose guard's knees out and put him on IR?"

8:26- 3rd & 1, incomplete pass to Javon Walker. BENCH JAY CUTLER DOT COM ORG NET GOV. Paul Ernster punts. He is bad. I miss Todd Sauerbrun. Now a Seattle three and out and this game is rolling!!!

8:34- John Madden hates when people say "manage the game." I want to paint that on his car. 3rd and 8, Cutler throws to Scheffler, nearly intercepted. Nice punt by Ernster. Not one of his Ernster eggs....sorry.

8:40- Shaun Alexander tries running right, away from Walter Jones, and that is just career suicide right there. Gain of nothing. ANOTHER three and out. Folks this is just unlike anything you'll ever see again, because you've gouged your eyes out.

8:43- The first 1st!! Tatum goes for 25. Another first, Tatum goes for 11. Third and five, Cutler gets dropped. Jake Plummer could have evaded that rush...and thrown a pick....Jake is still the holder? Man, Shanahan, don't knock a man while he's down. 3-0 Broncos as Elam kicks it true

8:48- All new Deal or No Deal. On tomorrow's episode the banker gets robbed and the show is cancelled. Alexander gets seven yards, he's on pace for 163 carries. Now he has a first down. 486 carries.

8:53- Seattle has three drops already, none from perrenial drop all star Jerramy Stevens. Darrell Jackson had none last year, and has ten this year. Take that, Seneca Wallace. Seattle looks to set the record for punts as they do it again to start the second quarter.

8:55- No, Peyton, they are saying "boo."

8:57- Just so you know what a great sports fan I am, currently the television is being switched between the game and a borrowed copy of "Inside Man" on DVD. Viva la Blog!

8:58- Tatum nearly fumbles, then they pitch it in their own endzone, then I have a series of heart attacks. John and Al have a discussion about how Jay Cutler is Mike Shanahan's guy for good. Uh, well considering Preston Parsons from the practice squad is the only QB left, that's a safe bet. Unless of course they were suggesting he go with Plummer all over again. That's just silly. Silly like the punter forgetting his helmet....ugh.

9:03- Darrell Jackson with a comeback route, with which WRs always kill Darent Williams. I don't hate the word "cover corner," Madden. Why do you hate words so much? Couple of runs and a delay of game. This game is delaying the end of Inside Man. SPORTS FANATIC!

9:05- Maurice Morris, Mercury Morris' unfortunate bastard child, runs for 5-ish. Josh Brown kicks wide left. 3-0 still, bizarro barnburner.

9:10- Jay Cutler hates John Elway. Just kidding. But that would be totally awesome and confusing. Cutler fumbles the snap, keeps it. This just keeps getting better.

Cutler runs for about seven and gets a first on a bit of a facemask. Natily attired ref gives an emphatic first down. Exceptional garb.

9:13- Madden has it spot on. JC is incredibly tight. Just as we agree, JC throws a strike to Alexander for a first. I call him JC for a reason....

9:14- Tatum gains 30, giving him 10 carries for 81 yards. "He's not only a good runner, but he has good speed." Most good runners are slow. I shouldn't harp on the announcing so much. That's for here.

9:16- Who would have thought that Denver's Alexander would score before Seattle's?!?! Seven yard TD as he fidgets with it before securing the catch! Michaels says something stupid about juggling. 10-0 Broncos

9:22- Seahawks don't have a backup fullback? Weird. I thought Morris could play FB, but I am so mistaken that I've just lost the will to live. Borderline creepy McDonalds commercial has me right back on my feet.

9:25- Naked dude in a barrell and his itinerary. How captivating! Jay Cutler apparently has learned a lot from Jake Plummer. Horrible interception while being sacked, Seattle takes it back for a TD. 10-7 Broncos. THE WONDERLIC JAY!!

9:31- Tatum Bell is rushing out of his gourd. Gain of 17 and he is at 110 on 13 carries. The O-line must really be tearing up some legs. Madden has playful issue with players coming out on their own volition. Apparently that's not old school. Rod Smith is old school, and he just fumbled. Naturally, I blame Madden.

9:36- I like Penn Jillette. Maybe I should be his agent and advise against these things. Tim Hasselbeck gave his brother Matt advice about dropping his elbow down or something. I'm guessing that conversation went down like this:

Tim: You gotta move your elbow down to avoid those bad throws
Matt: Oh really? You know what, I do want football advice
Tim: DO YOU!?
Matt: Yeah, put Elisabeth on the phone

9:39- Another FG miss, then a penalty, then Mike Holmgren getting so red that his skin tone is close to matching the orange in the Bronco logo. Let's hope we see that.

9:42- Is it safe for me to say Romo was mediocre? Will I be murdered? And no, Madden, it's not that hard to bench Drew Bledsoe. Cutler going no huddle, throws deep, good coverage on Walker for the incompletion. I think they are going to kick a field goal. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, it's a fake. I...............am.......................so..........................confused.

It's a fake to have one yard shaved off the FG attempt? He makes a 41-yard attempt. Did Elam say something bad about Shanahan? WHAT IS THIS?

13-7 Denver at the half. Elam is hurt. KILL ALL THE DAMN HEROES FOR ALL I CARE, NBC! Ahem, I'll be back after halftime.