Reflections On Monday Night

Thoughts compiled while vomiting into the toilet:

• Brian Dawkins is one of the best defenders in football. Darryl Dawkins broke several backboards.
• If I have Steve Smith on my team I get him the ball on reverses, quick slants, and over the top. I don't let him return punts.
• MNF resembles a BBC comedy about an inept broadcast crew in America. Don't think about it-I've already pitched the idea.
• The Panthers defense is overrated.
• Game officials should be required to adhere to the 5 second rule: If the flag isn't thrown in five seconds no penalty occurred.
• Visitors to the booth should be athletes who can't speak the King's English; not actors who can't speak the King's English.

That Seat is Hot

In professional football there are two types of coaches; those who are fired and those about to be fired. Therefore, to educate and amuse, let’s look at the coaches on the way out and those that can stick around for next year.

First are the coaches who’ve coached well despite low expectations:

Sean Payton – His Saints are playing excellent football and he’s used Reggie Bush in ways that maximizes his ability.

Mike Nolan – He’s won more games with less talent than anyone in the league.

Eric Mangini – The chubster has the Jets looking superior to the Giants despite the absence of Curtis Martin.


Hot Seat Coaches:

Nick Saban – A pitiable start from the Dolphins put them in a hole and despite a wining streak the loss to the Jaguars puts them back on the dung pile. Isn’t Nick a genius?

Jim Mora, Jr. – The coach killer may kill this coach. Nothing short of winning the rest of their games will save his job.

Brian Billick – It’s your offense now Brian. You still can’t move the ball.


Coaches on the Express Train to Dismissal:

Dennis Green – Never has one person done so little to garner so many chances.

Art Shell – Wake up from the coma. Please Art, you’re family is worried.

Tom Coughlin – Players are quitting, fans are quitting, and Coughlin should quit.

Do They Play Every Week?

For your edification and enjoyment:
49ers at Saints
Cardinals at Rams
Chargers at Bills
Falcons at Redskins
Lions at Patriots
Colts at Titans
Chiefs at Browns
Jets at Packers
Vikings at Bears
Texans at Raiders
Jaguars at Dolphins
Buccaneers at Steelers
Cowboys at Giants

AND TONIGHT:

Seahawks at Broncos

It's Game Day

Sunday and Monday are big days for NFL Hits. It's not just the excessive alcohol, Albert Haynesworth jokes, or remembering the glory days of Akili Smith. Big games are our forte and as a fan every game is big (Oakland Raider fans have permission to laugh) in the NFL.

As a group devoted to NFL coverage and exposing the absurd, hilarious, and downright obscene, this first Sunday will resemble no other in the future development of our coterie of evil writers. Today we get our feet wet and generally imbibe far too much alcohol. Next Sunday, despite the inevitable inebriation, there will be live blogging of the Sunday Night and Monday Night games.

We invite you to join us in our headquarters, located just down the street from several strip clubs. Actually you can't visit but you are able to read our latest posts via the handy feed to your right or by simply visiting over and over. Either way we are getting paid. Wait-did I say paid. No-I meant laid.

Enjoy.

You know it's a violent sport when Suzy is around.

Vick To The Raiders? It Could Happen.

Among the rumors floating around prior to the titanic clashes (funny how all games are vital) tomorrow is Mike Vick going to the Raiders in the off season in exchange for several draft picks. This is interesting for several reasons:

1. Marcus Vick would be a better fit for the Raiders. He's emotionally disturbed, lacks the requisite throwing skills, and is otherwise a misfit. Now that's a Raider!
2. If Atlanta were to trade Mike Vick it would leave a void that's hard to fill. Angry, confused, and fumbling quarterbacks don't appear out of thin air. Unless the Steelers are looking to move Big Ben.

Will the Falcons move Vick? He's a hot commodity despite his sub par performance at the position. In addition, and it's no small issue, there are a number of people who look at Vick and believe that he gets undue heat because of his race. Are the Falcons willing to stimulate the debate?

Atlanta is home to the legacy of Martin Luther King. A high profile athlete like Vick, playing a position regarded by many as the toughest in sports, is important to many people. And were it not for Vick's emotional extension of his middle digits he'd likely be safe. Now, in acting out, he's opened the door for Arthur Blank to move him.

In the end Vick, as is habit, fumbled away his chance to stay a Falcon.