The National Football League, as much as any other major sport, lends itself nicely to the creation and perpetration of Generally Accepted Storylines. These thumbnail ideas certainly offer much to the sports consumer. The Generally Accepted Storylines echo classic epic tales and lessons, providing continuity to our shared experience and comfort in their easy digestion.They're also very simple to whip out when you're on deadline. In the Swiss Army Knife of storytelling, throwing the GAS is the Philips screwdriver. You can cram it into any situation with the appearance of work in every flail.
Here at NFL Hits, we look forward to finding the hottest GAS out there and dispersing it to the seven winds, post haste, so you can look good at the bar while wasting as little time as possible on excessive GAS.
GAS of the day: Chicago Bears Quarterback Controversy!
Please try this experiment at home, work, or a high school business education classroom:
Go to the cupboard and get a saucepan. Fill it three-quarters full with water. Add a pinch of salt. Put the sauce pan on the stove. (Kids, get help from your parents/guardians!) Turn the heat on High. Start a timer, stopping it when the water reaches a rolling boil. Wait patiently. Mark the time down.
Turn everything off and let it cool. Turn the heat on High again. Start a timer, stopping it when the water reaches a rolling boil. Try everything you can to increase the temperature faster. (Recommended tools include a sauce pan lid, IcyHot, and an acetylene torch.) Throw more salt in. Try to take the salt out with a slotted spoon. Suck the water out with a straw. Wail like a wounded chimp when you burn your tongue. Mark the time down.
Answer these questions in the comments:
1. Which attempt was faster?
2. Which attempt required more patience?
3. Which attempt would look cooler with commercials, four men in ill-fitting suits screaming, and a 24-hour sports talk radio station covering it?
4. Who should start at quarterback for the Chicago Bears?
Please use MLA formatting in your answers. NFL Hits is not responsible for death, dismemberment, or Jay Mariotti's opinions.
6 comments:
Who should start at QB for the Chicago Bears?
Holy Holly Mangold.
Rex Grossman will not win playoff games.
He'll never learn how to, so he'll never do it. Problem solved.
The Bears are going to the playoffs with home-field advantage. Brian Griese will never be better than he is on his first pass attempt. Kyle Orton is a known quantity and that quantity is measured in Blood Alcohol Count. What's the rush?
http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/1053
I hit my head and blacked out in sympathy with that link.
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